The first time I saw “First Reformed” was my first semester of college. I didn’t care for it much then, because then I could scarcely understand what Schrader was doing with the character of Toller. I don’t know if I do now, but the fact that I “get it” more shows me how much I’ve grown and changed over the past 4 years, in discernment, in anxiety, in self awareness, in thinking and over-thinking…
From a filmmaking standpoint alone, Schrader is pulling from and expanding upon Bergman and Winter Light. (Or the floating scene which recalls one of Tarkovsky’s repeated images.) Schrader’s approach leads us to gaze at a frame and take in what’s there, but in a world as ascetic as this one, much of the background becomes literal words, because nothing else is there to occupy the space. And this is apart from Toller’s diary entries: “Come Unto Me.” “Private Residence.” “Staff Member.” “Will God forgive us.” “Thomas Merton: A Life in Letters.” “I come that they may have life, and have it in abundance.”
Or, you might say, “in bulk.”
“BALQ Industries” is one of a few darkly comic things here, but it’s not the same as in Phantom Thread or Tár where a rewatch and rereading turns a moment downright hilarious, but where neither laughing nor crying seems like the appropriate response. The way we’ll hold on the exhaust pipe of a massive black SUV as it propagates fumes. Or lyrics to the Neil Young protest song which waffles between poignant and absurd, as Mary struggles to shake Michael’s ashes out of the bag. In the same scene, Toller says one of the most profound statements of the film to me: “Michael loved the world. Maybe he loved it too much.” (Most likely pointing to 1 John 2:15: “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.”)
When Toller challenges Joel “we should pollute so God can restore? We should sin so God can forgive?” it’s almost another joke, because this is pretty explicitly bad theology: “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?” Romans 6:1-2 KJV And I think Joel would respond “we shouldn’t sin, but we have to pollute.” But it’s only because that’s what the Bulk Money would say.
Also interesting how Toller quotes “By thy words, you shall be justified, and by thy words, you shall be condemned” but directly AFTER this it is by staring at picture after picture of ecological destruction that he becomes convinced he needs to do something about it. And these images are then essentially repeated underneath Toller and Mary flying through space. The conflict of the film lies in the opposition between “truth” and “beauty,” between logos and pathos, between humanity and nature, between the physical and the spiritual. The Abundant Life church is ironically as or more austere than First Reformed; it’s a generic mega church, populated by flat Text and pictures of its pastor. Toller’s ex-wife Esther is the choir director here, and she’s the very definition of uptight Christian lady. She’s Angela from the Office, down to their love of the color grey. Toller is constantly exploring spiritually and philosophically but is leaving his physical body to rot… but ironically, Toller’s body itself is a stand-in for the Earth left to die. Every time he coughs I think of chimneys spouting Smog. The very Principle Toller is torturing himself for is an intensely Physical thing.
The ending remains confounding, but it’s assuredly more moving to me. Each step Toller takes—spilling the drink, taking off the jacket, stepping outside himself—is prompted by Mary. He doesn’t want her to come to the Anniversary of the First Reformed because it’s her physical presence that forces outside his own head, outside his own words. Toller draws direct attention to the Biblical meaning of his son’s name, Joseph (could this be a red herring though? Should we be looking at Joseph the Husband of Mary and NOT who Toller thinks he’s named after, which is Joseph the son of Jacob?) And we can do the same with Mary… she comes complete with (later revealed to be male) pregnancy. Which is also, in a way, after Michael’s suicide, “fatherless.” But Michael, unable to see the gift of his own son, doesn’t allow himself to be saved by beauty of life right in front of him. It’s Mary’s beauty (in stark contrast to Esther) that commands the stage; as she kisses and holds Toller, we don’t actually see this but it looks to me as though she’s unwrapping the barbed wire from his body. Like she’s telling him “you’re not the Christ, it’s not your job to suffer.”